Then there are REGRETS.

MAJOR REGRETS.

The ones that gnaw in the back of your mind.

The ones that pop up over the years when you felt you finally made peace with it.

The ones that never seem to be put to rest.

The ones that ask that burning question:

“What if?

I never shouldn’t have done that.”

The result – an erosion of one’s confidence in their ability to choose, to decide.

A person plagued with self doubt.

Not something you want to carry around in your head at all.

The usual advice?

“Get over it. What’s done is done. The past is gone. Man up and move on.”

Easier said than done.

Time might heal the regret, but the splinter will always be there for some.

So how do we get over our major regrets in life?

Realize this.

YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO BE RIGHT NOW.

This moment.

Right now.

When you really internalize this, it neutralizes the “what if” path that regrets are notorious for generating.

Think about it. If you’re exactly where you need to be right now, all the alternate routes that you play in your mind – what good are they? They certainly don’t result in you being where you are right now do they? And since right now is where you need to be, those alternate routes are NOT where you need to be.

It also forces you to leverage what you regretted in your life into your favor now (more on that later).

Some might say this is a copout or a classic case of the use of a defense mechanism.

Call it whatever you want.

I call it choosing to believe in something that EMPOWERS you, not disempowers you.

We all see what we believe.

Our beliefs are the great filters of life.

And the great thing is we as human beings have the ability to CHOOSE – to CHOOSE which filters to put over our eyes.

We believe we made bad choices and become filled with regrets – we wallow in the mud.

Or we can get up and realize that we are right where we need to be right now. That everything we’ve done in life has in some way shape or form, contributed to where we are right now.

And that we are exactly where we need to be.

Right now.

Take for example, the classic regret of “the one that got away”.

There’s not a lot of things in this world that can punch somebody in the gut like this sort of regret. It’s always in the back of your mind – painting alternate universes, second guessing yourself of not just that choice, but every choice you made thus far in life.

You can choose to remain in that default reactionary state of regret.

Or you can choose to believe – you are exactly where you need to be right now.

That the purpose of that experience was to get you to finally take a moment to reflect on who you are, where your values lie, what your vision for the future is and CRYSTALLIZE it, to the point where you begin to see the type of person your real ideal partner should be, not somebody just based on physical attraction and moreover, exactly where you need to go to find such a person.

And you become grateful for the experience, because you realized you dodged a bullet.

This is what I meant when I said that it forces you to leverage what you regretted in your life into your favor now.

If you say to yourself that you are exactly where you need to be right now, the next question you ask yourself is:

Why?

So your mind searches backwards and starts constructing a new train of thought, one that puts together all the pieces of the past that used to gnaw at you into this sequence of events that pile up to create a sense of urgency to get you to take the action you need to NOW to get to where you want to be.

It’s almost like time traveling in a sense – mentally speaking.

Having this kind of belief also allows you the FREEDOM to “make mistakes”. You can’t lose because with every action you take, you end up in a place where you’re supposed to be and your mind takes the events that have happened thus far, and reconstructs them again in your favor – in a way to get you to take more action now.

This is one the best ways to get over major regrets in life.

To stop living in the past.

To stop second guessing the choices you’ve made and your general decision making ability.

To finally put to bed all the “what ifs” in your life, and finally realize that you are truly indeed, exactly where you need to be.

Right now.

This moment.

This very second.

We experience rejection on a lesser level during job hunting, pitching ideas to others, proposing certain activities when in groups, etc.

But regardless of what the experience rejection rears itself, it hurts.

Make no doubt about it.

We invest a lot into whatever we are “pitching” and because we invest a lot on our own part - our ideas, time, effort, energy, we can’t help but NOT separate ourselves from what we are pitching.

Rejection cuts deep because it triggers something in you that comes from tribal human instinct. Rejection back in the day meant, on a severe scale, being shunned from the group, and if you weren’t part of the group, you couldn’t survive for too long.

Avoiding rejection is literally tied to our survival instinct.

What’s more, rejection brings us down in life into this nasty rut.

We fall into this hole that just gets deeper and deeper. We ruminate over why we were rejected, what it was about us that accounted for the rejection, why we are that way, etc.

By the time we finally muster up the gusto to crawl back out, when the opportunity to “pitch” presents itself again, we find ourselves more hesitant than ever because we don’t want to experience rejection and the hole we just climbed out of.

How do we solve this?

Fact: Everyone gets rejected.

It’s as normal as breathing in and out.

It’s not an isolated incident.

Moreover, you don’t really know EXACTLY what the reason might be for the rejection. It might possibly have NOTHING to do with you at all, yet we always think it does, which is just our ego getting in the way.

Perhaps the other person isn’t in the mood, is having one of the crappiest days ever, or just doesn’t want to deal with anything right now.

You don’t know.

So don’t automatically assume it is you.

But even if it is, don’t fret about it because again, everyone gets rejected.

The secret to not taking rejection personally lies in the focus.

Don’t focus on the rejection.

Focus on the doing.

Be consistent in “pitching”.

There WILL come a day, when you won’t get rejected.

Until that time comes, you will naturally learn how to reduce rejection and develop thick skin too pretty easily.

If you focus on the rejection, you go automatically to the “why me?” question and your brain of course, since it’s a computer, answers accordingly and spits out all these reasons why you were rejected.

That triggers the spiral and down the hole you go.

When the focus is just on consistency, on pitching, it doesn’t sting so much.

Now, there’s a little catch to this, a very subtle one and if you miss it, you won’t progress very far.

When you focus on the doing, don’t go all out the first time.

Think of like when you’re swimming. Most of us gradually enter the pool, body part by body part so we can adjust to the temperature.

First a toe, then a foot, then a leg, then the other leg, we squat a bit, splash water on our chest, rub it on our arms, and then slowly submerge fully under the water.

It doesn’t shock us that bad if we try that approach.

Now let’s assume metaphorically that a guy tried the cannon ball approach into the pool when he finally mustered up the courage to ask out a girl he kind of knew.

The girl said no.

Rejection city.

He’s probably not going to want to “cannon ball” ever again.

So this time he doesn’t go all out the first time.

He dips a toe into the pool.

Figuratively speaking, what does that mean?

He just says “Hi” to every woman he encounters in his daily life.

The women at the gym, women in the parking lot, workplace, supermarket, coffee place, bookstore, dry cleaners, etc.

Just “Hi”. Nothing else.

Then, the “how’s it going?”

Then the “I like that ______. Where did you get it?”

And on and on and on.

Soon, he’s comfortable with talking to women. It’s as natural to him as breathing. Plus, he knows a ton of women now. His pool for potential dates is pretty big.

So he finally musters up the courage to ask out a woman he fancies, a different woman this time.

No dice.

But that’s OK now.

See, it’s easy for him to regroup and ask out another woman because the whole idea of being comfortable around women is natural to him now. He also has a lot of women to choose from. He went through that process of getting comfortable around women and now talking to them is second nature whereas before, he skipped that process and “cannon balled” in.

I hope the difference here is clear.

It’s not about “cannon balling” consistently, at least not in the beginning.

In the beginning, you become consistent in the doing of the process, and that will inevitably lead you to become comfortable with “cannon balling” and that’s when you start doing it consistently and getting the results you seek.

I use the dating example because it represents one of highest levels of anxiety that rejection finds itself in.

If a guy/girl can conquer rejection in that arena, chances are, anything else will be a pretty easy to deal with.

Stop taking rejection so personally.

It happens to everyone.

Focus not on the rejection, but on the doing, on the process.

Consistently.

As you do it, you’ll learn a hell of a lot and all that experience and learning will give you the confidence to “cannon ball” and if you get rejected, no biggie, because now you have what it takes to easily “cannon ball” consistently.

For those of you who aren’t aware, the Inner Circle is a forum I created based on Hill’s concept of the Master Mind

“The coordination of knowledge and effort of two or more people, who work toward a definite purpose, in the spirit of harmony.”

He continues …

“No two minds ever come together without thereby creating a third, invisible intangible force, which may be likened to a third mind [the master mind].”

To give you an idea of how important the “Master Mind” principle is, it’s THE VERY FIRST LAW OF SUCCESS in Napoleon Hill’s book Law of Success in Sixteen Lessons and is a VERY IMPORTANT THEME in his other book Think and Grow Rich.

Because readers of this site can’t possibly meet consistently physically, the next best thing is a virtual forum which is where the BrianKim.net Inner Circle comes in:

Here’s the major definite purpose of the BrianKim.net Inner Circle: It’s adopted from one of Zig Zigler’s quotes:

“You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” - Zig Zigler

I tweaked that quote a bit to come up with this:

The Definite Purpose of the BrianKim.net Inner Circle is to:

“Create a HARMONIOUS, FUN, ENCOURAGING group of POSITIVE like minded people who want to GROW in life and will HELP each other get what they want out of life.”

Why?

Because in doing so (and in looking back at Zig’s quote), you will get everything in life YOU want, AND you’ll have FUN doing so!

Here’s just a snippet of the benefits members have been experiencing as I was browsing through the various threads:

- Cindy helped a member look at his sister in a whole new light probably giving that relationship new strength and vigor

- Mister-E encouraging another member that he can get through his anxiety/panic attacks WITHOUT medication. He gave a great reframe on how to make the most of it and how to view it.

- A list of inspirational movies you can refer to in the event you need something to pump you up and some funny movies too! (thread with trailers too from youtube

- The answer to a question posed by a member of how I think of those M.I.T.’s

- Brainstorm of stable jobs of the future

- A GREAT post from a writer who had that epiphany on the beach of “now what?” entitled “There is only so long you can sit on a beach.”

- Ways the average person can make money in a recession! (contains a pretty nifty idea on creating a residual stream of income very easily)

- A great space video find Jennysun shared with us on a first person point of view of what space travel would look like

- Jennysun also posted a video that led to one member contacting an old friend who he drifted apart from after a fight a year ago and they’ve reconciled since!

- We helped reconcile a reader’s decision about whether or not walking away from his ex girlfriend was a good choice

- A list of songs that will make you feel like a million bucks! (embedded from youtube)

- Tips on relaxing from stress

- Helped a reader deal with living alone

- Relaxing music recommendations from various members with youtube videos of them embedded

- Ways to save during a recession

- Members contributed ideas on night time jobs to help a member earn more money

- A GREAT business idea that has been validated by one of our overseas member who has seen the model thriving in Asia but has yet to be imported in the US

- One member found a TREASURE TROVE of videos on youtube that are simply awesome and created a thread on summarizing all of them (this is GOLD)

- Great shares on youtube of empowering, moving inspirational videos

- Ways to CREATE during a recession – a very good thread

- Ways to beat depression

- A fun list Sam83 created of all the good feelings in life. I guarantee if you go through it, there’s no chance in hell you’ll leave feeling bad

- A great thread abrandewlife started on quotes of the day! It’s interesting to see the quotes other members pick.

- Legit, No BS Ways to Make Money Online – a list of the many ways there were to earn some extra money online to pay down debt, or to stock up savings, or to just use for plain old fun! This thread alone is MORE THAN ENOUGH to cover the investment for membership because of all the opportunities in there that members have posted.

- A great inspirational video that will make you NEVER want to complain again in your life.

- A great find on 5 scientific theories that will blow your mind

- Discussion on how to deal with being secretly jealous of your friends successes

- Funny videos that will make you laugh out loud!

- A list of morning rituals of famous thinkers

- A member sharing his experience of moving to a low cost of living country and LOVING IT

- An enlightening discussion on why we like singing and dancing that evolves into something more..

As you can see, you’re seeing a glimpse of the effects of the Master Mind here that Napoleon Hill was speaking about. People offering their perspectives to help others, the combination of various ideas from different backgrounds that yield more ideas, ideas on great businesses, ways to create, save, ward off depression, a collection of sites that you can earn real money that various members have contributed, etc.

I also want to post another example of the quality of members we have here: Here’s what one member posted in a thread:

“Choose to accept your suffering knowing that by experiencing your pain (whether physical or emotional) you will take away suffering from another being in some way, in some form.”

One member didn’t quite understand what that meant so the original poster clarified with this:

“For instance, my entire life I have had emotional and physical obstacles to overcome with my Rheumatoid Arthritis and depression. Now I can take all that I know, write, share, blog, counsel, and guide others. If I help even one person along the way, think of all of the minutes, hours, days, years of suffering I will have helped to relieve that person of. So when I feel pain, I close my eyes and meditate on this thought - “By my suffering I am helping to take the suffering away from another”. This gives my suffering purpose and doesn’t make me pity myself any longer.”

A great reframe from one of our many star members!

Along with all these great benefits and wisdom from other members, membership has its privileges as well.

Membership Privileges:

- FREE special reports like How to Become Financially Free, How to Develop Mental Toughness, How to Balance Desire and Detachment.

- Request articles/exclusive premium subscriptions be written on certain topics. I have already fulfilled some of those requests.

- Get access to ALL the exclusive premium subscriptions so you don’t have to wait for their releases that only occur 3-4 times a year.

- Bonus for joining The Best of BrianKim.net Volume I – the best articles from 2006 and 2007 put in logical order along with post commentary ($24.95 value!)

How It Simply Works:

- After sign up via Paypal, you’ll be automatically taken to a page on my site where you enter in your email address to get information on how to register.

- Register in the Inner Circle using the information you get in your email.

- I will manually approve your account within 24 hours and notify you that you’re all set to go.

Members lives have ALREADY been changed because of this Inner Circle and I have no doubt that when new members come in and share their knowledge and experience, we can all learn and grow.

Membership to the Inner Circle is only offered once a month and open for 72 hours so click here to join today to experience the benefits and privileges membership has to offer!

It will teach you the definitive way of how the average person can make money CONSISTENTLY online.

There’s just way too much bullshit out there on this subject, all revolving around the promise of a quick buck without mentioning the MONEY you have to use in terms of advertising like Google Adwords. Right off the bat, let me say in this EPOMMS subscription, you won’t need to spend money on that. The only money needed to spend is for you to buy a domain, hosting and email subscription service, which all together is very cheap, cheaper than what people spend on buying lattes from Starbucks in a month.

There’s nothing out there teaches you how to build a SOLID, long lasting, BUSINESS online to make money. That’s key. BUSINESS.

You will work, build a foundation, create, find, and serve clients with products/services.

This subscription – it’s not the quick buck.

Meat.

Solid.

Business.

You’re not going to make $1,000/day in your underwear in one week.

But you’re going to work, apply the ideas in the subscription, see the structure which will make it easier so you can see how what you’re doing relates to the big picture, and build a strong foundation for your online business that will benefit you financially for years to come.

New, fresh meat that’s easy to understand, structured, DEFINITIVE -it’s what this whole site is all about, the real deal, the shining beacon of light that cuts through all the dark crap out there that people stumble and fall around in.

Along with the contents of that subscription, you’ll also receive as a bonus for singing up, the much demanded essay – How to Get Rich: The Sorely Needed Logical and Structured Essay that Won’t Be Found Anywhere Else Today.

As promised in the preview of that (which you can read here), I’m offering it with this special monthly offer. 48 pages of meat. Not the typical spiel you hear touted everywhere of the “save your latte and invest and you’ll be a millionaire” or the “buy and flip real estate spiel” you hear as well.

The essay is very relatable to the content of the subscription as you’ll see a lot of parallels between both. The essay sets up a nice structure for the rest of the subscription which will plug in the details of it.

The information from this subscription comes from my own personal experience as well as a mix of other business ideas I’ve read as well.

The process of how this works is very simple.

• Every week, for 3 months (the duration of the subscription), you’ll get an issue via email.
• You’ll be redirected to a page on my site after you sign up, where you can enter in the email you’d like to receive the issues.
• The first week will include the bonus essay.
• The next 12 weeks will include 12 issues, one per week in sequential order, with action items at the end of each issue for you to apply during that week.

Both the subscription and the essay are only available few times a year but for the next 72 hours, they will both be made available.

Click here to learn more about the EPOMMS and how to sign up and get the bonus!

Less than 72 hours until this subscription and the bonus (only offered a couple times a year), expires!

We all know deep down inside that materialism is an empty path.

Always buying the latest, greatest, most expensive stuff doesn’t lead to a better life. Advertising has us believing that though as it’s in the corporations best interest to get you to buy those things. Media portrays celebrity lifestyles of mansions, cars, clothes, and conditions us to believe if we have all that too, it will give us the good life.

But as we get older, we see through the facade.

Yet, we are all still drawn to the path of materialism.

There’s this “magic pull” to it.

What is this magic pull that materialism has on us?

Logically, we know it to be bad for us, yet we want to pursue it.

If we can identify what this pull is, it’ll be easy to avoid falling into the trap of materialism.

Here’s the magic pull.

Realize this:

We don’t want the Ferrari.

We don’t want the mansion.

We don’t want the latest designer clothes.

We want the SOCIAL BENEFITS that come with all those things.

That’s the pull.

Think about it.

If everyone in the world was blind except you, would you still want the Ferrari, the mansion, the clothes, etc.?

What use would it be?

Might as well drive a pinto, live in a trailer, and walk around naked because none would be the wiser.

You would still have the same level of social benefits as far as you’re concerned.

But alas, we don’t live in a world where everyone is blind.

And we know people judge us by what they see.

So we think – buy all the nice things and get the social benefits that come along with those things.

We want to be admired, respected, and get that envious attention from the people in our social circle so we succumb to the path of materialism to get those social benefits.

It’s the dream to pull up to your house with the Ferrari and see the jaws drop and hear the “oohs and ahhs” from your neighbors, especially the ones who have been rubbing their big purchases in your face.

That’s the magic pull.

Sure some will say they just want the Ferrari because it’s a nice car and it’s fast, but deep down inside, the pull of the social benefits is still there acting as the motivational force.

And it makes sense.

Social benefits were crucial to survival in the “tribal sense” back in the day.

But here’s the thing.

Let’s say you buy a Hummer. Does that Hummer garner you the same social benefits you seek if your social circle (the people you know and associate with constantly) say is made up of hardcore environmentalists?

Probably not.

You’d probably be shunned and excommunicated from the group.

This is key here because you have to realize that social benefits are relative to the social group.

If you don’t have a specific social circle that you belong to, it’s a sign you’re having some trouble forming a rock solid personal identity. You don’t know who you are, what you stand for. Because you have no identity, you defer to the most popular social group, which is the group of the majority – which of course extols materialism.

You want the social benefits of that group so you pursue materialism to get it.

Here’s the thing though.

If you’re an exercise freak, you hang out with other exercise freaks. It doesn’t matter if you buy a Hummer. What you want is to be as physically fit as possible, push your body to the limit so maybe you train for triathlons.

And here’s the difference.

You don’t train for a triathlon because of the social benefits of taking that action.

You want to do the triathlon anyway, of your own volition.

The motivation behind it is “taint free”.

And the social benefits are a plus. A bonus. You’re not doing it SOLELY for the social benefits.

You’re doing it because YOU WANT TO DO IT.

Other exercise freaks in your social circle will be in awe of you, will admire you, give you that respect you seek – but you never wanted that directly. You were just doing what you wanted to do. All that came as a byproduct.

So then you won’t feel the need to buy expensive things to give you those social benefits as you already have them.

Other people just get into materialism solely for the social benefits, but they fight against themselves on the way to getting those benefits.

It’s the classic case of the Joe Schmo working at a job they hate, buying things they don’t need with money they don’t have, just to impress people they don’t really like, and that’s no way to live.

Why do things you hate just to get social benefits from people who you don’t really like?

This works both ways though.

If you think of yourself as a worldly person and want nothing but the best material goods in your life, go for it. Find others who want the same thing. They won’t be hard to find. Do what you have to in order to get what you want. The social benefits will be a plus for you as well.

It’s a one glove fits all approach to getting the social benefits you seek naturally.

So the key here is to give yourself an identity. Who are you? What do you stand for?

Once that’s done, you live up to that identity and your social circle starts to slowly build of people who share similar values, and at the same time, you weed out all the others who don’t so you’re not exposed to any temptations to pursue other activities to gain social benefits.

You do what you want to do and the social benefits you get, come naturally as a side effect.

We all know deep down inside that materialism is an empty path.

Always buying the latest, greatest, most expensive stuff doesn’t lead to a better life. Advertising has us believing that though as it’s in the corporations best interest to get you to buy those things. Media portrays celebrity lifestyles of mansions, cars, clothes, and conditions us to believe if we have all that too, it will give us the good life.

But as we get older, we see through the facade.

Yet, we are all still drawn to the path of materialism.

There’s this “magic pull” to it.

What is this magic pull that materialism has on us?

Logically, we know it to be bad for us, yet we want to pursue it.

If we can identify what this pull is, it’ll be easy to avoid falling into the trap of materialism.

Here’s the magic pull.

Realize this:

We don’t want the Ferrari.

We don’t want the mansion.

We don’t want the latest designer clothes.

We want the SOCIAL BENEFITS that come with all those things.

That’s the pull.

Think about it.

If everyone in the world was blind except you, would you still want the Ferrari, the mansion, the clothes, etc.?

What use would it be?

Might as well drive a pinto, live in a trailer, and walk around naked because none would be the wiser.

You would still have the same level of social benefits as far as you’re concerned.

But alas, we don’t live in a world where everyone is blind.

And we know people judge us by what they see.

So we think – buy all the nice things and get the social benefits that come along with those things.

We want to be admired, respected, and get that envious attention from the people in our social circle so we succumb to the path of materialism to get those social benefits.

It’s the dream to pull up to your house with the Ferrari and see the jaws drop and hear the “oohs and ahhs” from your neighbors, especially the ones who have been rubbing their big purchases in your face.

That’s the magic pull.

Sure some will say they just want the Ferrari because it’s a nice car and it’s fast, but deep down inside, the pull of the social benefits is still there acting as the motivational force.

And it makes sense.

Social benefits were crucial to survival in the “tribal sense” back in the day.

But here’s the thing.

Let’s say you buy a Hummer. Does that Hummer garner you the same social benefits you seek if your social circle (the people you know and associate with constantly) say is made up of hardcore environmentalists?

Probably not.

You’d probably be shunned and excommunicated from the group.

This is key here because you have to realize that social benefits are relative to the social group.

If you don’t have a specific social circle that you belong to, it’s a sign you’re having some trouble forming a rock solid personal identity. You don’t know who you are, what you stand for. Because you have no identity, you defer to the most popular social group, which is the group of the majority – which of course extols materialism.

You want the social benefits of that group so you pursue materialism to get it.

Here’s the thing though.

If you’re an exercise freak, you hang out with other exercise freaks. It doesn’t matter if you buy a Hummer. What you want is to be as physically fit as possible, push your body to the limit so maybe you train for triathlons.

And here’s the difference.

You don’t train for a triathlon because of the social benefits of taking that action.

You want to do the triathlon anyway, of your own volition.

The motivation behind it is “taint free”.

And the social benefits are a plus. A bonus. You’re not doing it SOLELY for the social benefits.

You’re doing it because YOU WANT TO DO IT.

Other exercise freaks in your social circle will be in awe of you, will admire you, give you that respect you seek – but you never wanted that directly. You were just doing what you wanted to do. All that came as a byproduct.

So then you won’t feel the need to buy expensive things to give you those social benefits as you already have them.

Other people just get into materialism solely for the social benefits, but they fight against themselves on the way to getting those benefits.

It’s the classic case of the Joe Schmo working at a job they hate, buying things they don’t need with money they don’t have, just to impress people they don’t really like, and that’s no way to live.

Why do things you hate just to get social benefits from people who you don’t really like?

This works both ways though.

If you think of yourself as a worldly person and want nothing but the best material goods in your life, go for it. Find others who want the same thing. They won’t be hard to find. Do what you have to in order to get what you want. The social benefits will be a plus for you as well.

It’s a one glove fits all approach to getting the social benefits you seek naturally.

So the key here is to give yourself an identity. Who are you? What do you stand for?

Once that’s done, you live up to that identity and your social circle starts to slowly build of people who share similar values, and at the same time, you weed out all the others who don’t so you’re not exposed to any temptations to pursue other activities to gain social benefits.

You do what you want to do and the social benefits you get, come naturally as a side effect.

Today's workers, whether employed or not, are facing a tough situation.

If you're unemployed, you're looking for a job in what is still an extremely tough market. And if you've kept your job, you are likely feeling overworked and underappreciated, convinced that your employer has exploited the economic situation, as indicated in this survey conducted by the Human Capital Institute and Monster Worldwide.

If you're feeling like you're running out of options, have you considered part-time work?

According to this AP article, part-time hiring is not the harbinger of a good job market that it once was, but employers are hiring for temp and part-time jobs. As John Silvia, chief economist at Wells Fargo says in the article, "Companies aren't testing the waters by turning to temporary firms. They just want part-time workers."

Part-time work can offer a number of benefits you may not have considered:

Flexibility: Part-time jobs offer the flexibility that a full-time job does not. Perhaps a part-time job and the more open -- or nontraditional -- schedule it affords might allow you to bring in cash while devoting time to further education. Or, you can use that available time to save money by cutting down some of your childcare or eldercare expenses.

Ease Back into the Workforce: This recession has seen its share of retirees, stay-at-home moms and others trying to reenter the workforce. Roles have shifted, and getting back to 40 hours a week may seem daunting. Reentering in a part-time role can allow you to ease your way back in.

Test Drive Your Options: Taking on a new job in a part-time capacity allows you to check out the employer and position as much as you are being tested. You might be able -- and willing -- to take some chances in something that is less permanent. It could ultimately drive your career forward.

Piece Together Your Perfect Career: Who says it has to be one person/one job? Look to a number of part-time jobs to piece together a career that works for you. This is especially enticing if you have varied interests and abilities.

So what do you think? Could part-time work be for you, or have you already been using it as a lifeline during this downturn?

Of all the topics out there, settling when it comes to marriage has got to rank up there as one of the most “tangled” questions.

There seems to be no “laser like, cut through, definitive answer” that separates all the various answers out there.

Some say don’t ever settle.
Some say you should settle before it’s too late.
Some say be “realistic”.

Each answer has a loyal following extolling their respective answer as the best one.

Marriage is one of life’s most important decisions so it’s understandable that people want to make sure they get it “right” when it comes to choosing who to marry, and by that, they mean not settling

Specifically, they don’t want to settle for second best.

They want the VERY best.

That’s part of the problem here though because when people use the word “settle”, it sets them up for failure and it shows them the wrong paradigm.

You can’t win when you use the word settle.

If you do settle, it implies there’s something better out there. It presupposes that you’ve given up in some sort of way.

But what if someone says I settled for the best?

Well, a part of you deep down inside might not feel that way later on when you meet other people. It’s like getting the best car, only to want the new model that comes out 2 years later with improved benefits and features.

Plus, there’s no such thing as “the best”.

That PERFECT individual doesn’t exist.

You might be thinking your SO is the perfect person but you’re probably in the honeymoon stage of the relationship when you say it. As time goes by, the flaws will appear. Nobody on this earth is perfect.

Nobody.

We are all imperfect.

I don’t care if you think such and such celebrity is perfect – that they have the whole package.

They don’t.

Nobody does. And this isn’t me being cynical at all.

It’s a fact of life.

Settling also implies a “hierarchy” model is in play but that’s not really the case.

It appears to be from the media standpoint but in real life, hierarchy doesn’t apply.

We have to topple the hierarchy and realize people are all on this same level called Earth – just choosing to travel different journeys.

And it’s up to you to find the person who wants to travel the same journey as you.

Everything else is secondary.

Instead of focusing on “settling”, we want to focus on how to know when a potential marriage partner is right FOR YOU.

That takes a lot of angst out of the whole situation.

Now when it comes to selecting a marriage partner, here’s how 99.9% of people do it.

They whip out the good old fashioned checklist.

He/she’s gotta have a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z,a1,b1,c1,d1, etc.

(On a brief side note, I remember a famous comedian asking the universal question:

“What do women want?”

His answer?

“EVERYTHING!” )

Ask for anybody’s checklist and you’ll see the same things popping up.

For women, it might be something like tall, dark, good looking, ambitious, “financially stable”, drives a nice car, has a good education, comes from a good family, has manners, is attentive to my needs, has a nice personality, is a great listener, kind, gentle, strong, masculine, and on and on and on.

For men, young, pretty, skinny, big breasts, nice legs, nice butt, great fit body, pretty smile, great personality, well educated, and on and on and on.

It’s almost as if we’re “shopping” for the right mate.

They have to have such and such features like we want on cell phones, cars, computers, etc.

But what happens when we buy the things we shop for?

We get buyers remorse.

Another better cell phone, car, computer comes along and we want to buy that instead.

That’s the inherent danger in using this checklist approach because it sets you up for failure as it narrows your vision to focus on the wrong things.

Throw the checklist approach out.

It’s not important.

Here’s what it is.

WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE?

What are your VALUES?

Clarify THAT.

This is what people mean when they say to focus on yourself.

It’s to figure this stuff out so when you feel like you can get back into the dating scene, you know what you’re looking for.

You want somebody who shares the same vision as you do for life, who shares the same values.

That’s the big chunk. This is the 20% that accounts for the 80% (Pareto principle). This is the “core” that you should be looking for. This will solve the “checklist settlement syndrome” that plagues most people because once you find this, every little item on the checklist decreases in significance. Sure the additional stuff is nice, but it’s not that important anymore.

It helps you cast a wide net and find the right partner so you can get on with your life, rather than wasting time choosing not to settle because Amy, Stacy, and Jenny didn’t have x,y,z on your checklist.

But some may say isn’t looking for somebody who shares the same vision and values as you part of a checklist? Yes, but it’s at most a couple of points. It’s not 100 bullet points that you’re looking for. It’s the core. This is the meat. If you find somebody who has these core points, you’re almost there.

Once you have that nailed down, the rest is gravy. You can choose to have a few more checkpoints that are important to you but the hard part is pretty much over with.

Why?

Think about.

Couples who share the same vision for their future life together and have the same values instilled deep within will most likely have a successful marriage. They will push one another along. They’ll carry each other’s loads. There won’t be any fights over values. They’ll mostly be on the same page on the decisions they make which will be in harmony with their vision and values.

Compare that with a person who disregards all that and goes by the 100 quality checklist of the perfect man/woman instead and by some miracle, find somebody who meets 100% of the requirements.

It’s fine and all but check back a couple months later, you can see the cracks of divorce forming.

Why?

Both want different lives.

Both have different visions and values.

It’s the classic case of the old rich guy marrying the young pretty girl – yeah she meets all the checkpoints and it’s fun for a while but as time goes by, the vision and values don’t match. They’re not in the same place in life, they want and value separate things so they will inevitably drift apart.

It’s a disaster waiting to happen if you go into marriage without thinking what your vision is of married life, what you two want to accomplish together, what kind of ideal that’s greater than the both of you that you want to pursue.

That’s another thing that’s wrong with people who have the “settlement” mentality.

They view their partner as the end all, be all.

It’s NOT all about the other partner.

It’s not about marrying the perfect person – and then wiping your hands clean and saying “That’s it! I’ve done it!”

Sure you care about them but at the end of the day, it’s about something BIGGER than the both of you.

It’s an ideal, a vision you share that you work together on whether it’s just starting your own family, feeding the starving children of Africa, serving your religion the best way you both can, healing the planet, brining change to the government of the country you live in, etc.

When you step back and see that big picture, the nick nacks of the checklist get put in their place. They’re not that important.

The checklist is the sugar and salt. Great, but you can’t live on them for long.

You want the meat. The vision.

There’s a lot more to this such as how you should hold the standard of qualities you put on others to yourself as well but that’s for another time.

So for now, for the topic of settling, realize it’s not about settling.

That’s such a crappy word.

It’s about finding the right partner FOR YOU in life.

The right “relative” partner for you, not a “universal” one because there is no such thing.

It’s an image the media portrays – an image of the rich guy that’s tall dark and handsome with six pack abs and drives a Ferrari or the skinny 20 year old blonde girl with a nice chest and butt and tan and silky smooth legs with a pretty smile.

Let’s face it – looks and money are great, but looks fade over time and there’s no such thing as security when it comes to money.

It’s about finding somebody you shares the same “big” stuff as you – the values the vision. The rest is optional save for a few characteristics that are a must for the individual but for the most part, if you agree on the big stuff, the little stuff will work out too and be put in its place.

And you won’t feel like you’ve settled at all if you take this approach because you won’t have wasted time looking for the PERFECT person – just the right person for you that wants to travel the same journey with you.

I'm not following the Vancouver Olympics like the folks over at Rings -- I'm a casual observer at best.  

What really gets me while watching the world's best athletes is that a little wobble at the ankle or just missing a target by that much can have a profound effect on what they've been working toward most of their lives. Thank goodness it's not the same for most of us in our jobs. While we don't get do-overs, we often have more than a millisecond to save a sale or produce an amazing product. And if we stumble over our words or trip on our way into the conference room, we can quickly right ourselves. Our colleagues usually want us to succeed, but for Olympians, they are all going for the gold.

And like those gold-seekers, many of us are also pursuing multiple medals, often without realizing it. Whether it's a shining performance review or finishing a major project on deadline, these are little victories that can add up to major accomplishments. So take a tip from the Olympians, and celebrate your wins. And share with us how you go for the gold at work.

To quote the first paragraph from her initial email:

“Well, to start with reading your posts and articles have impacted me in a capacity that no other self-help book has ever done… I have traveled huge distances in my short life- from being a complete pessimist to a point wherein I have shifted beliefs to create the life I want to experience. Thanks to it, My journey has been awesome.. And it shall continue to be because now I know that we actually create our own reality.”

She then went on to describe how applying all the information she learned helped her to get a dream job with one of the best consulting firms in the world and not only that, it turned out to be a piece of cake for her!

Naturally, with this kind of 180 degree transformation story with the person getting exactly what they want, I was curious to learn more about it so in keeping with the tradition of all reader success stories, I sent her a list of questions to help better frame her story and save time on both ends. Below are the answers to those questions.

I want to thank Ankita for taking the time to answer these questions to tell her story. I really appreciate it!

Can you please tell us a little bit about yourself Ankita?

I am identified generally from my loud voice and my big smile! I like to consider myself ZESTY. I love- Life, Friends, Family, Parties, Music and all good things that come with these. I love gossiping especially over Coffee. I love to party and dance my ass off to some great music. In a nutshell-I am crazy, loud, gossipy, fun, have a good sense of humor, laugh at the drop of the hat, love to be loved n love to live!

How did you come to find BrianKim.net?

It was many months ago. I was reading some motivational stuff online and just browsing through I landed on this site. I read a couple of articles and signed up instantly and ever since then this has become a regular exercise.

You wrote a very impressive sentence that stood out to me in your email: “I have traveled huge distances in my short life- from being a complete pessimist to a point wherein I have shifted beliefs to create the life I want to experience.” Do you mind giving us a little background on that period of time when you were a complete pessimist? What do you think in your opinion contributed to that?

Well until a year ago I was a doom & gloom pessimist. I constantly complicated things for myself. I always complained about the inequities of life, took the opposing view in any positive conversation and always looked at the worst side of a situation.

For the answer to “what cause this pessimist or negativity” I would like to relate to your articles on How To Maximize The Power Of Your Mind. As you wrote in the Day 3 of the article, “Most people are always thinking in terms of negative thoughts and as a result, their attitudes and actions match those thoughts accordingly”. I completely second that and this is coming from my personal experience: The more you feed your subconscious mind with negative thoughts about yourself and others the more it dominates/influences our actions and thoughts. It’s like a vicious circle.

Can you expand on the second part of the sentence in the previous question, on how you have “shifted beliefs to create the life I want to experience”?

When I saw “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne and read your articles specially the How to maximize the power of your mind (5 days), It s made me open my eyes and consider how I may negatively be contributing to various aspects of my life. I realized that I was focusing on the negatives in my life. I understood that thoughts are pure energy and the moment i understood the power of my THOUGHTS, I dedicated 100% of my mind to positive thinking.

You mentioned that you got your dream job and I want to congratulate you on that! Can you take us through what you did that made it so easy for you?

I got a job with one of the best consulting firms in the world and honestly I have had no previous experience to boast of. This job had been my dream and I worked towards it. I created a visualization board and put the logo of the company. I studies day and night and I kept visualizing myself giving the interview and it turning out to be a piece of cake contrary to the beliefs of my peers and miraculously it did happen. All my 5 rounds of interviews went so smoothly that I knew it right there and then that I have made it. During all my interview rounds, it felt like De-javu (Thanks to my visualizations).I was amazed with the power of the conscious and subconscious mind! It was like I was placing my request to the universe and it was being delivered. I don’t know how it happened, but the universe made sure I received that job!!

Given all that you’ve experienced, what have you learned about the power of the conscious and subconscious mind?

I realized that our mind is nothing but a blank slate at birth which gets filled up with what it sees and understands through experience. Your articles helped me to understand that mind can be classified as:

Conscious mind: That part which is only functional and responds when you are wide awake.

Sub-Conscious mind: The part which is always functional but you never get to know its presence

Since the mind reflects habitual thoughts, it is therefore our responsibility to influence our mind and brain with positive emotions, thoughts and energy as the dominating factors in our mind.

What kind of things did you do help you when you started feeling low and that voice of doubt crept into your mind?

I agree Fear and doubt are the two most limiting emotions EVER. And it is caused because of the negative self-talk which leads to limiting actions and behaviors. Everyone will always have fears and doubts at some point and the trick is to make them your bitch and use them to move you to action. When I faced such moments, I reassure myself of everything positive that I want to happen in my life. I thought that these are just traces left behind from my old subconscious, trying to fight its way back in my life. At such point, I made the maximum use of all resources available to me: Like THE SECRET DVD, A FEW ARTICLES FROM BRIAN KIM WHICH I HAVE PRINTED OUT AND KEEP WITH ME IN MY BAG etc which help me to fight my negative emotions. Also, another favourtie is this song below:

This is the Best rendition of this song I have heard, and this artist is Amazing! This song lifts my spirit every time I listen to it! This was a Flawless and Awesome Performance and she perfectly conveys that your strength knows no bound when you do one thing: BELIEVE, you can fly… and you will!!

You mentioned you’re applying what you learned to other aspects of your life. Do you mind sharing what those are?

I visualize a life of abundance.. I see good times ahead- Strength. Vision. Dreams. Love. Friendship. Goals. Life. Accomplishment!. I believe that There is a new World out there…. one of my making. One of my dreams. And one that I will conquer. I BELIEVE it and FEEL it. This feeling of being invincible, wide eyed, care free and optimistic helps me move forward and enjoy this journey. I am applying my learnings to lead a healthy, happy life abundant on all aspects.

What kind of advice do you want to give those who started out like you, who are currently complete pessimists?

Well to all those who are recovering pessimists or are predisposed to a pessimistic viewpoint, I would say: Identify the irrational thinking behind your negativity. Pessimism is not born of blindness; it is because of your constant focus on failure and other negative feelings. Surround yourself with positive people and feed your mind with positive thoughts. Please read Brian Kim’s articles everyday and they will certainly make your journey of self improvement a lot easier. Challenge and channel your perspective: When something doesn’t go well, find a way to reframe it in a more positive perspective.

Any last words of advice you want to give that was not covered in these questions?
Learning how to stop being negative is not rocket science. Follow Nike’s advise and ”JUST DO IT”. If I could then so can YOU!

I want to thank Ankita again for taking the time to write and share her story. I really appreciate it!

We always love to see people make that 180 degree change in their lives. It’s a beautiful thing indeed!

And in ALL those stories, as in Ankita’s, the protagonist always stumbles on valuable information whether through books or through a mentor, changes his/her thinking, applies what they’ve learned, and gets what they want, and in turn creates the experience in life they want.

And they are never, EVER the same afterwards.

A couple of things I want to point out from Ankita’s story is the power of EMOTION and CONSISTENCY.

It’s easy to see from her writing she’s a very energetic and passionate person and she describers herself as such. With that kind of energy, it’s easy to polarize in terms of thinking – whether negative or positive.

You’re either going to go down the dark road and reap those seeds or vice versa.

Prior to this, her energy was polarized toward negative thinking but she soon changed that and you can see what happened as a result.

EMOTIONAL ENERGY, positive or negative, penetrates the subconscious mind and begins to influence your life in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.

For Ankita, she injected POSITIVE emotional energy and she was CONSISTENT in it through various activities such as visualization and reading of articles she kept in her bag.

As a result, all that helped to influence her thoughts and actions that were conducive in helping her get the dream job she wanted. All her mannerisms, words, actions, the vibe, etc., she gave to the people interviewing her were conducive to the visualizations she had that she was CONSISTENT in practicing.

As a result, she got it – much to the amazement of friends and families who thought she couldn’t get it, a dream job with one of the top consulting firms in the world and in this kind of bad economy too!

I also want to point out CONSISTENCY will also squash any lingering effects of negative thinking as well from the past. As you can see from her story, she felt her old ways starting to creep back up but she maximized all her resources CONSISTENTLY to keep it from coming back to life.

You can tell that her life will never be the same. Just look at what she wrote:

“I visualize a life of abundance.. I see good times ahead- Strength. Vision. Dreams. Love. Friendship. Goals. Life. Accomplishment!. I believe that There is a new World out there…. one of my making. One of my dreams. And one that I will conquer. I BELIEVE it and FEEL it. This feeling of being invincible, wide eyed, care free and optimistic helps me move forward and enjoy this journey.”

Everyone who has ever experienced significant change in their lives can relate EXACTLY to those words.

It’s what we all came to realize when we knew our lives would never be the same afterwards.

That we truly do have the power to make our lives exactly as we see it.